Eight Thirty Eyes

I thought I’d share a few of my favorite jokes with you this morning. I realize they won’t be as funny without my awesome comedic timing (ha – that was my first joke), but if anyone is as grumpy as I am today, maybe they will help.

Here is my favorite short joke

So, this guy walks into a bar… (pause) Yeah, you think he would have ducked.

This one killed my first graders at VBS

What did the zero say to the eight?

…

Nice belt!

And finally, here is the longest joke I have ever remembered

So, this engineer dies and goes up to heaven to see St. Peter. St. Peter decides that this engineer has not led a good enough life and sends him to hell. Once in hell, the engineer decides that it is a totally unacceptable place to be stuck for eternity. He decides to create air conditioning so it’s not so hot. Then he builds elevators and escalators so people don’t have to just climb and hang out on sharp cliffs. Everyone in hell is loving this, even the Devil.

God decides that this is not acceptable. Hell cannot be someplace that people want to go – it will just mess up everything. He decides to go to the Devil and tell him that he wants the engineer back. The devil says, “Are you crazy? There’s no way I’m giving him up. Have you seen what he’s done to the place? No way!” God replies, “Oh yeah, well I’m going to sue you.”

The Devil replies, “Really, where are you going to find a lawyer”

Hahaha. I really like that one. Both my brother and sister are lawyers, so I have a soft place in my heart for any joke I can make about them

Anyways, I need some new material so if you have a go to joke you don’t mind sharing, please leave it in the comments…