A Whole New Meaning to Area Codes

So, this weekend was by far the most I have laughed in a long time. I cannot even begin to tell you guys how much fun I had at the beach. I tried to come up with a list as in previous years , but I just couldn’t narrow it all down without a lot of explanations for each item.

So, instead I will tell you my favorite random occurrence of jokes.

AB has a co-worker who once referred to someone wearing a short skirt as showing her “phone number” Well it just so happened that there was an outfit one night worn by someone who will remain nameless* that elicited this same comment from AB.

This in turn caused the rest of us to spend approximately 45 minutes coming up with bad puns/jokes about people’s “phone numbers.” Try it. You will see just how far this will go. From giving or not giving a boy your phone number, to what’s this mean for the *69 function** and everything in between.***

When we had finally exhausted all the jokes we could think of, I entered a completely different conversation and an innocent bystander answered a question about his work phone by saying, “I don’t even know that phone number” which caused me to die laughing. Poor guy, doesn’t even know what he did.

Basically from now until I get bored, you will never be sure if I’m really talking about phone numbers or if I’m talking about someone’s “phone number”. You’ve been warned.

*mainly because I don’t know it.

** Knowing the way my mind works, you may think this one was mine. But it was not. I did however give permission for it to be said when the “author” thought it may be crossing the line and of course I did laugh. A lot.

*** I didn’t mean to do that, but dang if that’s not funny too. See it can go on forever.

 

 

10 Random Things from the Beach – Part 5 (kind of)

So unlike parts 1, 2, 3 and 4, I’m not going to do things I learned at the beach because well, that’s old and I want something new, so in no particular order, here are just 10 random things from the beach.*

1. Jesse Rice was a great speaker, given the chance you should totally listen to him. He wrote “The Church of Facebook: How the Hyperconnected are Redefining Community” Great message, and he’s pretty funny.

2. “Once, I was almost eaten by a lion, well not really, I was just at a zoo and the lion was hungry.” – M.O. This was in response to me telling a story that I started like this, “once when I almost drowned, well not really, but we swam too far out…”

3. “What Truck?” Me and MF said in unison when EAC said, “hey look that truck is camouflaged so we can’t see it” (we like to tag team our jokes)

4. Finally saw something in St. Simon’s Island beside the houses, the church & the DQ. Who knew there was a town there?

5. If MF & EAC weren’t getting married so soon, our small group would have come back with Henna tattoos instead cool rings.

6. Aqua Cats!

7. Save the date – 6/20/20 (ES – I picked the date for you)

8. Saw a dad and his kid catch & release a 30 pound shark, but the dad left the camera at their beach chairs. Men…
(also, we immediately got about 100 ft. further from the water)

9. MF – Have you guys noticed that no one under 28 has stopped to sit with us in the shade?
ES – Hey, I’m only 27.
Me -  But you moved down a step to be in the sun…
One of the guys – yeah, enjoy your melanoma

10. MF to Jesse – did you play at Rutledge about 5 years ago?
Jesse – Yeah, I did.
MF – I have your CD in my car.
Jesse – Can you burn me a copy? I don’t have any more. (I did say he was funny)

*All quotes are based on memory and may not be completely accurate – although I tried really hard to get them right.

Hawaii by the numbers

* Four nights, Five days in paradise.

* One dog we saw wearing sunglasses and croakies hanging out of a driver’s window. We weren’t quick enough for a picture but the mental picture still makes me laugh.

* 2:45 am – that’s the time we left the hotel Thursday  to drive up a mountain to see the sunrise. 3 hours of sleep once we got home before we hit the beach.

* 6 “free” mai-tais we enjoyed as part of the resort/parking fee.

* $166 – extra money we paid to have a convertible for the week. 100 – percent cooler I felt because I was driving a convertible in Hawaii.

One turtle we saw while snorkeling, one turtle that totally out swam us as we tried to keep up with it.

18,672 – grains of sand found in my hair after my sister took me out in what could only be classified as the most ungraceful exit from the water ever. (Ok, this one might not be true because really, who’s going to count grains of sand)

60 minutes of heaven during helicopter ride.

10 – number of hours spent driving the road to Hana and stopping at the beautiful waterfalls. 6.5 – number of hours it rained. 2 – number of times one of us slipped and almost fell off short but scary cliffs (slippery when wet)

19.5 – total number of hours in the air – 4 flights and 1 helicopter ride.

It was an amazing trip

Things I learned at the Beach – Part 4

In case you’ve missed them: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

1. 15 girls and a few guys to help and still no one will be able to get the outdoor speakers to work – yes, the volume on my speakers is terrible, but at least I had some

2. Hot tubs probably work a lot better if the owner of the house tells you there is a charge to heat it beforehand instead of informing you that’s why it won’t work when you call to ask how to work it – Hot Tub Fail!

3. Kathryn makes delicious fish tacos and Samantha makes amazing French toast.

4. It might be possible to play a drinking game based on how many times Beau says totally or chug (this one is courtesy Amy and definitely something we should try next year)

5. No matter how well you think you plan there will have to be a few beer runs throughout the weekend, and oh yeah, why aren’t we drinking mimosas – we need to get stuff for mimosas…

6. Thanks to Elisabeth, I learned that there is such a thing as a dress that requires a DVD because there are about 20 different ways to wear it. Thanks to Summer, she was able to wear it even though she forgot the DVD.

7. I will only wear 1/4 of the clothes I pack but will have to wash them all because everything within a five mile radius of my suitcase will be covered in sand.

8. There are many spellings of Lindsey/Lindsay/Lyndsey and having four of them in one place will get confusing – even if you try numbering them because everybody has a different #1.

9. There are a million ways to get to Grayton Beach, going through Montgomery both ways this year and somehow managed to mix it up some between there and the beach.

10. Alabama has many fun little towns: I don’t remember the name of the town, but the tagline “Front Porch City” was true to its name (except one house, who may or may not get invited to town functions); Seeing a sign that says Welcome to OPP will immediately make me start humming O.P.P and being really sad that out of 3454 songs on my iPod there is not one by Naughty by Nature; some girl named Lisa owns almost a whole town – true story.

10 Things I learned at the Beach – Part 3

A continuation of last year’s lists (Part 1, Part 2)

1. I can predict the future (last year’s comment on part 1 – said that hopefully we will get the Maggie house next year – and we did)

2. If you have not played beach volleyball in five or so years, you will be sore and bruised.

3. Eric has really good taste in music.

4. Flip flops can just disappear (even when there is no one else on the beach and it is 1 in the morning).

5. The Snodgrass’ can be really really funny if you pay attention.

6. I am not the only person that says awkward things (Thank God) and this makes me happy for a few various reasons.

7. If the tide is really low and you follow the coastline and step through a few various “puddles” you will end up in the middle of the ocean.

8. If you try to explain this to someone they might tell you that you are speaking gibberish.

9. Not technically at the beach, but I did find out that a gas station in the middle of nowhere on I-16 has Emu’s and you can feed them.

And last, but not least…

10. Guys can be really incredibly nice to each other after a volleyball match and you can totally ruin it by commenting on it so they immediately start talking smack to regain their manliness.

AMENDMENT: I totally forgot about this one until we were reminiscing at small group tonight, and I didn’t want to delete any of the other ten, so this one’s going to have eleven:

11. Nathan can run really fast and will randomly just jump up to chase the beach policeman on his 4-wheeler, and catch him.

10 Things I learned at the Beach – Part 2

(Part 1 was Memorial Day Weekend in case you think you are missing something)

1. The Gulf coast is way prettier than the Georgia coast, but way harder to get to.

2. Summer knows someone everywhere we go and it always comes in handy.

3. Apparently if you start drinking mimosas at 8 and follow that with rum and coke at 10, you are ready for tequila shots at about 3.

4. Nine years is enough time to recover from a bad night of tequila shots. I think I might be immune now. Bring on the Petron.

5. Jelly fish are small in the Gulf (you can fit them in a SOLO cup) and boys never grow up.

6. Drinking beer all day and trying to cover your body with spray sunscreen doesn’t work out so well – my legs are a mosaic of different colors today.

7. Waiting out evacuation traffic and beach traffic is a pretty good excuse for staying at the beach – even if your real excuse was that you are still too drunk to drive home (this was not me – I was along for the ride)

8. When your friends take you hostage while they sober up enough to drive home, there is nothing better than going in the opposite direction by drinking 6 beers.

9. Vomiting in the ocean doesn’t count.

and Finally,

10. I love my friends (My partners in crime and also those who are reading this without judgment) and need to do this more.

10 Things I learned at the beach

1. Being the last one there stinks and you end up on the couch.

2. MF is the best shotgun rider ever – she stayed awake the entire drive both ways and at one point we had such a good conversation going we didn’t even notice we had gone about 60 miles.

3. Scott can read minds – at least mine apparently.

4. Married girls don’t mind shacking up with a bunch of girls even though their husband might only be a few houses away – well at least one doesn’t.

5. Bending the rules is always fun, going only about 5 feet away to do it is even better.

6. People can grow on you

7. Some people ask a lot of questions – which is good because it gave us something to talk about on the way home.

8. Beach Police will give out tickets for glass bottles – luckily someone on the beach walked by and warned us.

9. Some people walking on the beach should never have been allowed to pick out their own swimwear.

10. There is no place better to be at 8 a.m. than on an empty beach with the sand between your toes.

I’m so excited

To be leaving for the beach today. I wish I could leave now.